I was looking online for discussions and/or websites dedicated to Black women who date White men and am thoroughly disappointed.
Why?
I am a Black woman. I love White men.
I have nothing against Black men. Black men are strong, beautiful, and unbreakable. On a daily basis they face purses clutched, eyes averted, fear and assumption of murderous intent, accusations of laziness, lowered employability. Truth be told, praise is warranted.
I just prefer White men.
Lately however, after months (no, years!) of dating outside of my race, I've started to realize that the White men I date may not have the best intentions.
I've been complimented on my ass. The problem is that I don't have much of an ass. My butt is nearly concave and yet White men still feel the need to mention how juicy it is. It's not.
And I've started thinking that maybe my mother was right. Maybe White men want a Black woman because they assume she's a "freak" and that she will be his little sex toy. Maybe it's a carryover from slave days when White men felt entitled, specifically regarding the Black girl "goodies." My mom said, "When he's had his fun, he will leave you."
After tonight, I'm inclined to agree.
Any thoughts?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
A Beginning of Sorts
Labels: black women, dating, humor, love, relationships, white men
Posted by Chocolate 'n Sweet at 12:13 AM
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28 comments:
I'm sorry to hear you have been having bad experiences and I can definitely feel your pain. I have only experienced the overly sexual comments twice and I let it roll once but I don’t need to hear it repeatedly especially if we just met because that is a bit much and seems suspicious. Me personally I would try a different environment or possibly change or expand my preferences if I have dealt with this for years.
It hurts me to hear that the WM you've encountered have not treated you in a respectful manner. Although, as a BW I can understand why you feel the way you do, please don't give up on ALL WM. There are WM who really love and appreciate BW and want to have honorable, commited, permanent relationships with them. I hope you find a WM who respects the dignity, femininity, and humanity of BW.
Maybe they're use to seeing/touching white women flat pancake behinds. And even though yours isn't "juicy" it is to them and compared to those white women they've been with.
Hmm. You start off a blog entitled "Black Women Who Love White Men" by giving praise to BM and questioning the 'true' intentions of WM.
I most say it is an intriguing tactic....
Are you a BW?
Not all WM are good, nice, right or decent.
I can't agree. My current guy is a wonderful man who met me when covered in camoflauge and body armor in Iraq. No makeup, and I was looking rough. But, to this day all I am to him is beautiful. There is no pressure for"freaky stuff". All he wants is my time. A jerk is not determined by his race, just his upbringing and personality.
Maybe you should reevaluate and do a better job of vetting the men you date--regardless of race. If this keeps happening to you, you have to take a look at the kind of guys you let have your time and how you respond to them. There are male jerks in every skin shade, so unless you want to stop dating men all together, you can't paint everyone with a broad brush.
I went through the same thing. I honestly had to take a minute and work on me before I could get into another relationship. I am know attracting a different type of wm. I attributed it to how I dressed and the company I kept. After I changed both, the quality of wm I attracted improved.
Dating in general is rough. I had a really hard time of it until I met my husband. He treated me with respect to my person; physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I had gone through a few turkeys who really didn't care what I wanted or was ready to do or not do.
So it was really nice to meet someone that gave me such a strong impression of being interested in /me/.
When I found him, I had given up on looking for someone romantically. I was honestly just looking for someone that I would want as a friend, and who wouldn't mind being a friend to me. I hoped maybe something from that foundation would become something more.
It turns out we ended up wanting more, and it turned out very well. :)
i find this blog rather suspicious!!
r u REALY a bw that dates interacially?
r u even a bw at all?
i will give u d benefit of the doubt but if u r not well....then its just pathetic!
Hmmm... it's a shame. As the owner of this blog, I have no idea what my password is anymore. *Sigh* I'll answer questions when I get back in.
How could you say that WM date BW because of wanting a freak in bed. SO NOT TRUE. What about the BM that "catcall" you because you have a "bigbooty",or have sex with you just because....or they make sexual comments about your body. What about that! Alot of WM don't date for that reason. But can I ask you something. What about the way WW hunt down BM as mates due to their so called SIZE...And black men dating WW because "they do things black women wouldn't do." How many times have you heard that one? You see everyone has this preconceived notion that WM are looking for a freak in bed when in fact it's actually a WW looking for the Mandingo. On my last job my supervisor a (WW) was married to a (WM), but having sex with (BM) on the side. I know this because my ex-boyfriend told me, and she also had sex with his brother, and a couple of other guys on the job. She has a (6) bedroom house a guest house,and (3) cars, but to her it's not enough. She needs the mandingo in bed. I'm not saying all BM are larger. Because my ex-boyfriend is not. Now c'mon do honestly still think WM want you for sex??
I do not think that White men only want me for sex. It's just a jaded observation that I was making at the time. However, one of the common things that Black women pass down to their daughters is the idea that a White man DOES only want you for sex. During slavery times the Master (white) could do whatever he wanted with his (Black) slave. There is, indeed, a carry over of ideas from that time. Sure, it may not be true but that doesn't stop the question in a Black woman's mind.
OMG! I 'm so sick of this stereotype. No one uses black women for sex more than black men (look at all the out-of-wedlock black babies or azz shaking/clapping rap vids).I think it's not very smart of bw to look at wm through a microscope lens but think that they can accept a bm's intentions at face value.
To all:
Indeed. I agree that BM use BW for sex quite a bit, too. It's just that the assumption that WM are only looking for the "exotic other" IS at least based in a smidgeon of truth and we can't pretend that it doesn't exist.
However, I think that BW need to learn to respect and love our beautiful selves. Only then will we find someone who cares about us for who we are and not for how good we bounce on his lap. BM or WM, we all deserve the best.
I personally think you can get a decent white man, but you have to sit down and be honest in what you actually want. Do you want marriage, children, or do you want to be just a girlfriend. Only you can decide that for yourself. There are white men out there who want serious loving relationships too. Date men, observe them carefully listen to what they have to say,look at their actions, and don't sleep with them until you are certain, you want to marry him, even better don't sleep with him, until you marry him, this may be old fashioned but without being initimate with him, you can think clearly and you can decided what you really want and if he is not for you, you can move on to the next person, without getting emotionally hurt, because you haven't given yourself to himn. If you believe in God, talk to God about him, physical features, characteristics, what requirements you want in a mate and what would you be as a mate yourself.
Felicity, I second your advice. You get what you focus on.
I don't have any trouble approaching black women,but most find me strange and threatening and depart quickly,some accept my compliments smile then walk off,but none have never wanted to date me or even go for a quick drink,I have one black female friend who I occasionally bump into that likes my company for half an hour or so,but that's as far as it goes,well personally I love very dark skin black ladies,not just because I find their colour appealing,but also I like their features,but black women also seam to have something different about them,like a different outlook or attitude,anyway I am lucky as where I live there are loads of beautiful black women to admire and dream about,sadly they don't feel the same about me.
Karl, its sad to hear that. You have to keep trying. Most women in general like to play hard to get...maybe the black women you are approaching are not clear on your intentions. You should make it known that you want to date them, and perhaps use a different approach. As the saying goes, first if you don't succeed,dust yourself off and try again!
I have a preference for black women,I love their darker skin as well as their features,but I would never dream of approaching them in the street and complementing their bottoms,men that do that sort of thing are clearly only after sex and are not worth knowing,personally being able to have a good conversation with a lady is far more attractive than her sexual parts,I like people to be accepting of others and open minded,if we get on,more could follow.
I think that this cliche can be a part of why some WM prefers BM, Thre must be a psychological obsession for that cliche black female body, but a part from that, I don't think they're the majority, most of them like us as a whole person, not only for this, fortunately :)
Oh my gudness where to start, honey if you think white men want to use women for sex WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK BLACK MEN ARE USING US FOR!!!.
70% of black children are born out of wedlock,clearly black men dont want to commit to us, did you also know that statistically bw/wm marriges last longer. Im sorry your experince of dating white men hasnt been up to scrath but there are plenty of good ones out there.
I noticed you said you havent found many sites related to BW/WM dating you can have a look at mine and there are also some links to other VERY good blogs that look at, the more you read and learn the more you will stsrt of see that MR.White will ultimatley be Mr.Right
http://loversofvanilla.blogspot.com/
I came to the same conclusion before I met my man. We are now VERY mutually committed. The fact of the matter is, you just have to keep trying until you find someone compatible. And please don't try dating men who are not astro-compatible with you. It doesn't work long-term. My experience, anyway.
I love the fact that you are writing this blog. I have been searching the web for sites with opinions/advice on black women dating white men and have been extremely disappointed! You have made so many good points in this post. I've dated many white men and have had the exact same thought cross my mind...perhaps they don't have the best intention because they are searching for the stereotypical black female they see in the media? At the same time I know it's not fair to say that for all of them, not that I would like to because I don't plan on giving up in my search for 'the right guy' the past results are just a little disheartening.
I love women. White, black, Hispanic or Asian. I would love for a woman to IM RICKHCOACH@GOOGLE.COM
I refuse to date a white man unless we have been close friends for a long time and I'm talking YEARS.
White guys DO want to 'tap that' not ALL of them but many do they talk among themselves about having sex with a black girl.
If you can find a white guy that you GENUINELY think will take you home to their families more power to you, i just think it's very tricky and you have to always be on your toes.
As for the ass thing, it might just be him trying to be 'down' with whatever he thinks black girls enjoy. I'm a black girl that's into games and stuff, I don't even know HOW to talk street not because I resent it but because I was raised in another country, but I get white guys and Asians all the time trying to speak in slang and talk about my ass and stuff like that.
These white guys can get very sexually aggressive verbally in but I think in watching how black men address black women "hey momma lemme holla atcha, u look goood wooo look at dat ass' etc etc, they have come to believe that's what works within the black community and therefore that's how black women like to be approached.
Dominance is a natural part of relationship and can be from woman or the man side. In reality it is channel through the men and that is just how it is, a man's world. With that been said many Black woman are still seeking the slave-master relationship. I wonder if that would have something to do with Black men and white woman thing lol...call me crazy but that is my two cents. One thing that i would add is that Black people are very much self destructive and this just another one of the thousands of elements that are killing us and carried out daily, nothing new. I wish you the best, cheers
Jamal;
Dominance is very much a part of every relationship and goes both ways, that is it can be coming from the man or the woman. However in reality it normally comes from the man and don't blame me, it is you could says socially constructed in every culture. Hence my two cents are BW are still seeking the slave-master relationship and it so happen to be that BM like white women, hmmmmm could it have something to do with the dominance element? I wonder.
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