I went out to grab lunch with a former (White) boyfriend last week and I noticed people staring at us. To be honest, it's not anything that I noticed before but in the case of this one guy, it was blatant which in turn made me observe the other people in the restaurant. Most people were politely glancing over the tops of their menus or discretely tilting their heads in our direction; this guy, sitting alone, was staring.
I should note that the "polite starers" were exclusively White. The man sitting alone was Black.
It started to make me feel uncomfortable to be honest. But after he had paid for his meal and was ready to leave, he detoured to our table and said, "Congratulations. You guys make a great couple."
It definitely surprised me but it made me proud that our nation has come this far. But when are we going to get to the point where people no longer stare or feel the need to congratulate? When will we get to the point where an IR is just a relationship?
Don't get me wrong. I stare, too. Especially when it's a WM/BW pairing but only because I think "good for her" and "I'm not alone." One day, I hope to not have to feel even that.
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I know. It's been 3 weeks and I'm losing readers. For those of you who are sticking around, thank you sincerely. I've got a lot on my mind. Death really zaps your energy.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Tolerance and Acceptance
Posted by Chocolate 'n Sweet at 5:01 PM
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9 comments:
Exactly a week ago, I was out with my guy for dinner and we went to a popular restaurant chain in my area. I noticed some stares from a couple white women but the most 'lethal' stare I got came from a black guy who sat across from us while we all waited for a table (restaurant gets really busy!). It wasnt the first time I've had this experience, but I seem to have a hard time deciding whether or not the guy disaprooves or if he looks mad because he's just having a bad day. I dont know.... I seem to have problems with more with black guys. My bff on the other hand who's also dating a white guy, has more problems with white women lol. It's funny in a way.
I think part of the problem could be that white women have an issue if you're dating a successful/very attractive white man. Black men just think that you are being used for sex because of the myth that's been perpetuated. (And I'm sure you know which one I'm talking about.) o_O
i've noticed curious stares from people. but half the time im enjoying myself too much to care. I'd figure they're only using 30 seconds of their life to look and me and him, so whatever. along as it doesn't become confrontational i'm happy!
Hey,
I just came across your blog ans wanted to say 'congrats'! I am a black woman who is in a relationship with a black man and felt very alone about it. We both experience curious stares when we are together, though never overt or covert hostility.
Thanks for making me see that I am not alone!
Anonymous said...
Hey,
I just came across your blog ans wanted to say 'congrats'! I am a black woman who is in a relationship with a black man and felt very alone about it. We both experience curious stares when we are together, though never overt or covert hostility.
Thanks for making me see that I am not alone!
October 21, 2009 8:03 PM
People need to read...she is a black woman who loves WHITE men...what are YOU talking about?
I had that same sort of experience with my last girlfriend.
The stares were the same, predominately white, one black man.
I really don't get what people have against interracial relationships, as the man actually asked " what are you doing with that white boy " like it was a crime.
Maybe he didn't know vanilla and chocolate mix well?
I'm a 48 year old black woman married ten years now to a 33 year old white man. I must be so blinded by the light of our love, I don't see lethal stares. I know that sounds so corny, but it's the truth. I guess I've reached a stage in my life where I can't spend energy worrying about what another's stares may mean. Hell, I don't even see my husband as white any more! All I know is I'm the happiest person on earth in my world.
And cheers to you, Chocolate 'n Sweet! I have only read this one post and am alread a fan of your blog. Keep your head up and have a wonderful day!
I am 57 and white. I not only dated but loved a black woman about 15 or 16 years ago. We worked for the same organization but in different areas. After working on projects together we began to let our daughters - both about 5 or 6 play together. She was 10 years younger than me but we didn't really notice for a long time. I told her I loved her first. Yes, the relationship was steamy, but not because of race, because of the chemistry. She was smart, funny, sexy, beautiful to me and a great mom. I laughed when we went places and she thought people were looking at us. I was prematurely gray and I always thought it was because I looked older than her. We broke up because she wanted several more kids and I felt I was too old to begin again. It was age, not color that ended it. I still love her, still think of her, dream of her and wonder..."what if".
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