Friday, December 26, 2008

Do Some Black Women Just Attract White Men?

I've noticed that not all Black women are approached regularly by White men. Is there a reason for this?

This has never been a problem for me. By no means am I a "ghetto fab" diva but I am an intelligent, strong-willed, beautiful Black female. I'd like to think that in no way do I come across as wanting to be White. Instead, I express the diversity that can exist within the Black population; we are not all ignorant as shown on television.

(As a side note: Black people as a whole have a long history of successes and sheer normalcy. It's unfortunate that the media portrays us as booty shakin', lazy idiots with a culture of bastard children and welfare reliance who sell drugs all while saying, "No you di'n't, girlfriend!" Or, as uber wealthy athletes/athletes' wives embroiled in scandal when our man leaves us for a woman with naturally straighter hair. Where are the middle class Blacks who work hard to give their families hope? We exist!...)

Anyway! I am great at digression so let me try to get back on track.

When I go out, I am always approached by White men. Just this last weekend, I went to a store to buy body wash and a cute White guy sidled up to me and said, "Hey." We had a brief conversation that resulted in my being asked to lunch. Later that same evening at a bar, unfortunately, I was followed around by a guy insisting on buying me a drink and chatting me up even after I broke the news that I would not be going home with him. He was also quite attractive.

But after browsing a few websites, I've noticed that not all Black women who date White men have this kind of experience. Majority of the success stories I've seen come from women who developed a friendship with a White man that eventually turned into dating.

I've also seen comments from White men who are interested in Black women saying that they are never sure how to approach.

Now, I'm sure I don't give off a "WHITE MEN ONLY" vibe, which brings me back to the original question: do some Black women just attract White men?

Is it a look or attitude or something completely intangible?


By the way, Happy Belated Holiday!


Anonymous said...

Hi, i believe i might have the same situation, i'm married now but i recall in the past several encounters with white men i was around who unknown to me were interested in me,actually one of them was pointed out to me by a white girlfried of mine, but since i was'nt interested and clueless i missed the connection. I think may be they're attracted to our desire to just be ourselves, someone authentic(not to hate,but..some white girls can be quite fake you know)and my husband is a white man who appreciates that very thing about me. hope that gives some insight.

jess said...

I think some people have 'friendly faces',you know what I mean? Recently I took pictures of different expression of mine and sometimes my face looks unfriendly and tense. I think all women should should check out their natural 'relaxed face' to see how they can change it to look more friendly/accepting.I now keep a slight smile on my face,not one that looks like I'm
Great blog by the way, I'm going to fav it. Good look in the new year!!:)Also, what part of the country do you live in?

Erica said...

It's all about being open.

dating wheels said...

Awe! I wish that was me girl! I walk around with observing face (collecting character sketches in my mind so I have some for stories) and yeah, they look over and I have no smile for them. Just a fearful turn like--'oh shit' caught face.

Chocolate 'n Sweet said...

LOL, Dating Wheels!

I think it's confidence that you exude. Definitely smile. It will either make him think you're approachable or mentally challenged. Either way, there's no real loss. :)

Chocolate 'n Sweet said...


I definitely get the concept of friendly faces. (Although, my at rest faces look like I'm either pouting or disgusted both of which I have to work on really hard to correct.) :)So, I definitely agree with you that we females need to work at showing the right face.

Thanks for adding my blog to your faves! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I live in the Midwest where it is definitely a challenge for IRs as you get older. (I was in heaven in high school, though.) But there are lots of guys to choose from and you're less likely to find a guy who's a fetishist. Where are you and what's your blog?

Felicity said...

You said that you prefer them, so you naturally send out a vibration and they just pick up on it.

Gloryus said...

I too, prefer to date white guys (have nothing against black guys) and I have no problem getting dates... I'm already seeing a guy (white) but I still get hit on not only by white guys, but also men who are black, latino and of other races.

It definitely has something to do with your appearance and the way you present yourself. I attract white guys because they're attracted to me. I have a good sense of fashion which is one factor. I'm not an over the top diva, although I've been called that lol

It's my first time checking out your blog by the way... loving it so far.

Sandra77 said...

Hello, I just found your blog (from CW's blogroll). Nice to read your point of view. I also agree that you attract what you focus on. I have always gotten most attention from white and Jewish men, much more so than from black men. Even tho I stick to my own socio-economic and professional level where men are concerned, I also still feel more comfortable and safer with white and Jewish men than with black men (there's just too much instability/unreliability there even when they're the same socio-economic and usually at that level they're not really checking for black women, unless you look like Halle). I also find more appreciation for my physical looks from white and Jewish men than from black men. My 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog, totally agree with all the previous comments; I think there's a certain energy you emit and your friendliness paves a way for them to come and "lay their game'.


MsMellody said...

Hi I would like to comment to your posting about what attracts white men..I would have to say from my own experience a bubbly open optimistic personality has ALWAYS ALWAYS been my greatest asset.
I have even had it explained to me from their point of view.."you dont seem to have a bad attitude like other Black women"...let me explain that I knew immediately what that green eyed Irishman was referring to. I would like to invite any black woman that comes to your blog and wants to date interracially..go out and take a look around at other Black women on the public transit system in your city..they for the most part have these sour pitiful angry looks on their faces..if you take the time to listen to their conversations its always about how they had to take "Dayquan" to child support court and how they upped his payment from 50 to 150 dollars..WOW!!! Are you kidding me..I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to take some of these young beautiful girls and tell them how much their lives are worth and how they could be living a well healed life if they would only pair up with some man of substance that will add to their life in tangible ( life insurance, paid home, schooling paid for, home ownership, trust income, inheritance income) ways.
But back to my point: The answer is that the Black women who are open, then optimistic in their tone ( quiet and attractive ) their conversation ( speaking positively about their future and what they EXPECT OUT OF TOMORROW are the ones who attract white men. Period. All the other negative..sad..pitiful talking Black women end up with the DBRNs. Period- case closed.

Anonymous said...

I attract white men far far more than black men. I love white men and it does not bother me at all! I agree with the ladies here that it is the self confidence and the drive and ambitions some black women have that attracts white men to them. I was told that by my now ex. Also, a friendly face helps too. If I was a man regardless of color, I would not want to date a fake, chip-on-the-shoulder, bad attitude woman either! I also love rock and country music, camping, and bikes! Glad to know I am not the only "Fish out of water." That is what I was called by a black man. Who cares! I told him to mind his business!

Muna said...

I just came across this blog by accident. Love the comments from everyone. I have also always been approached by white men only. At first I was a bit resistant to their attention, but I find that I enjoy their company more than black men. 80% of the men i have dated have been non-black, and I have no complaints. They are very affectionate and attentive (no offence to my black brothers) It doesn't matter if I am in a group of 9 black men and 1 white guy, the white guy always approaches me. My friends say its because I sound and act like a white girl, but that could not be further from the truth. I just sound and act like an educated black woman. I think they approach me because I have a friendly face and have no attitude. In any case, it does not matter to me what their reasons are, i just like white men! And am glad am not the only one going through this :)

imagine12311279 said...

Wish I could attract white guys. I go to a college where it's mostly white guys, but all I've attracted so far are black guys.

Do you think it might be because I'm in the South? NC, to be exact.

Anonymous said...

Which state do you live in?? because i have this theory that in places to the north, or the east like maryland, etc this kind of thing happens more. But rarely in the south. I've never been to the west so i have no clue about over there.

EddD said...

I'm a white man and I'm attracted exclusively to black women. 9 out of 10 women who express an attraction to me are black, as far as I can tell, though it's possible that I simply don't always notice come-ons from white women.

Maybe your personality or your sense of style is more often seen as attractive by white men, though it would be hard for me to put into words what exactly makes me find one black lady appealing while another doesn't interest me.

Thanks for the blog. Keep up the good work here. My condolences on the passing of your Grandfather. That is a very important relationship and the loss of it can have a long reaching effect.

YinNYang said...

I agree with what Jess said and it's funny because here recently I've been attempting to look "friendlier' too, working different "Hello", "Good morning!" amd "How ya doin'!" smiles in the mirror! I hope it makes people realize I can be nice.

Anonymous said...


I do agree with you. I'm also atttracted to white men more so than balck men. For me to be attracted to a black men, He must be very exceptional (if you know what I mean lol!!) As far as compliments are concerned, I get them from men of all races. I do agree that it's about the way you carry yourself. From my experience, I find that men are attracted to women how smile a lot and exude confidence. So ladies, even when we're having a horrible day, we should try to put a smile on our faces.

CleeMariee said...

I google "white men who love black women" and your blog came up! I love it!

I'm only 18, just finished my freshman year of college, returning for my sophomore yr. of course. I go to a University that is predominately white, and have always attended schools that were mostly white. I happen to be comfortable around white people, and I am learning that that is actually quite uncommon for many young black people. Although we are bombarded with images and media that caters to white people, I've met some of my black peers that are unable to interact with white people on a personal level for whatever reason, and there are a great many.

That is all to say that I was actually losing hope that I would find a relationship with a white guy (not that I'm only exclusively attracted to white men, I think if you're reading this blog you know where I'm coming from) until I stumbled upon this blog and read some of the comments. I do have a very friendly face and bright demeanor (though not as jovial as I used to be, I guess life really does wear you down) so that shouldn't be a problem. I guess maybe I should give it time. I've only recently made myself available to the dating world in general LOL.

So yes, I am another young black woman who is very open to the world or IR. There need to be MORE! LOL

Anonymous said...

Men love the same things women do no matter your race or upbringing. Confidence, cordiality, a cheerful smile, approachability, being well spoken and groomed. These are things that any person of any race can appreciate. It seems like you fine ladies have these traits. I am white but I am completely color blind when it comes to love and dating. I can tell you from experience that if you appear approachable and well put together any man will approach you. As to why it's usually white men...well black women are (this is a generalization and an opinion) very upfront about their intentions and do not play games. White women have a tendency to be fake and have ulterior motives . For a man it's no contest.Naturally they will gravitate your direction. Anyway this is just my opinion based upon my own observations. Love your blog.

how to get a girl said...

Its all about love and intimacy not a color or a race.

Dave J. said...

There are stereotypes of women from every ethnic group, and black women are not immune to it. The media helps exacerbate this problem. I happen to be a white guy and I love black women. I have found them using dating sites more often than not, using a place like to find the site that works for me. To answer your questions: Do some Black women just attract White men? Is it a look or attitude or something completely intangible? Yes, and yes and yes, lol. For me, as a pale guy I like the look of someone who won't get sunburn when going outside, lol. And also attitude. I think African American ladies are more confident of themselves and their bodies. I like that.

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